Selfishness

I found what Joyce said about selfishness being the root of the problem quite close to home. I remember while at Mercy, selfishness was rampant.

I'll be the first to admit that I was selfish while I was a resident. It may not have been as overt as some of the other people, but I was. I wanted things to go in a way that would appease me and when they didn't, I would get really upset. Case in point, I didn't want to go to the Fall Festival. I asked if I had to go...of course you know what that answer was. The whole time, I felt like I was being tortured (except for when I got to see the kitty) because it forced me to be knee deep in one of my fears...children. I also remember being upset because Emily didn't have to do anything and I about blew a fuse when I found out she got to go home early.

Instead of just letting it go and accepting my fate, I didn't let it go. A few nights later, Kelly was crying loudly. I thought she was crying over not seeing her daughter again. Never mind that DeJon had not seen her daughters since she got in the program. I did something that I wish I could take back. I wrote a note about how stupid Kelly was for crying and gave it to Lauren N. I never intended for Kelly to ever see that note. I was irritated and not able to express how I felt properly. I had been told that I could not talk to staff about other residents...but I had this need that I needed to be heard. I just had to follow my selfish desire.

I would like to know how not to be selfish like this again so I would not lose my blessings.

Chapter Two: the Root of the Problem

I guess we can start off with some of the questions she asked us in the chapter. As you know she talks about how selfishness is the root of the worlds problem and even our problems as individuals. I think it is extremely hard to step out beyond myself and fight my flesh everyday to think of someone else, but not impossible. Although its a battle, I know that I have the one living inside me that can help me overcome it! Imagine how much harder it would be to find happiness if you dont have the Spirit? Oh my!! I would never even dream of it. This chapter really gave me somethings to really think about and rexamine myself with. The questions she asked were:

How do you respond, when you dont get what you want?

For me, I complain and get irritated and frustrated. Sometimes its easier to just forget about it, but only with somethings. I guess to die to myself daily would take alot of courage and fight.

Do you get angry? sometimes

Do you grumble and complain? Yes I do, even murmur to myself at times

Are you really able to trust God to take care of you or do you have to live in fear that if you dont, nobody will?

I trust him with finances, but only to a limit. but when it comes to "finding that one true guy" I seem to travel wearily in my mind, so I guess I am not trusting God with that. and I have even thought some very selfish thoughts against Him lately with wanting to do things my way. and for me thats dangerous.

I dunno about anyone else, but I want real happiness thats gonna last, and if I can grab a hold of letting go of myself...TRULY...then I will welcome happiness head on. I guess happiness doesnt always mean comfort and thats a scary thing!

and one thing that REALLY angers me is sex trafficking!! 1.2 MILLION CHILDREN are trafficked every year!! thats someones DAUGHTER, MOTHER, FRIEND!!! and then by no choice of their own they end up with HIV/AIDS because of the men that abuse them and force them to live this lifestyle. Thats too much to bear, HEARTBREAKING...and EVIL beyond anything...its makes me really hurt for these young girls, especially since I was in that lifestyle and the unimaginable things that happened to me were TERRIFYING, but to have it happen without it even being a choice!! UNBELIEVABLE...I couldnt imagine that...I chose it, these girls never once did it for drugs, or to feed themselves good money, they do it because they have no choice!!! I want to be there pulling them out someday and using my testimony to bring comfort to hurting lives.

THE LOVE REVOLUTION Chapter One

Chapter One: What in the World is Wrong?


First off I would just like to say, I love how Joyce describes her everyday life and what is happening at the very same time all over the world. The Statistics are CRAZY INSANE!! Its heartbreaking. It took me a long time to realize this, but this chapter just reminded me that WE ARE GOD on this earth. We are who He uses, His Spirit inside of us. Its not some outside force that mariculously appears and makes things happen, its people who are obedient or even being used without realizing it. Thats the only real way God works, and it so it really gives a perspective that if we dont do something, even as individuals than nothing is truely ever going to be done.

what are some practical ways we can BE the Love Revolution RIGHT NOW, in our lives?

any ideas?

One Small Mouth and Six Abscessed Teeth

I know how this girl feels. I have six teeth in need of a root canal and I can't imagine what it's like for a child...especially a child who can't be given an ibuprofen to ease her pain. I'm hoping that one day I can be a part of a medical mission to help children like this. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to try. I'm sure she felt better when the teeth were taken out but my heartaches at reading that she had to have her teeth removed. My parents actually suggested I do this to take care of all my dental problems. I feel for this poor girl having to go through life without her teeth, but I'm sure it's worth not being in such pain.

It makes me wonder what I can do because as much as I pray, I don't ever feel it's enough.